Taxed Patience

Baseball is my favorite sport to watch in person. This is largely because it is the sport I actually understand and can follow without assistance from Google or my dad. Rarely something will happen that I do not comprehend because it is related to some obscure rule that almost never comes up and on those occasions I am fine being ignorant of the details. I understand the sport enough to enjoy the game in person and without the assistance of the commentators.

The Phillies are my team of choice. This is both by birth (my dad is from Philadelphia) and by choice. I’ve seen other teams play; I know the options available to me. I still choose the Phillies. Growing up watching Phillies games definitely indoctrinated me, but part of the reason that I stay with them is not the team, but the fans.

Philadelphia fans are notorious for bad behavior. Fights break out in the stands with rival fans. The city has to grease down light posts along the city streets so that crazed, celebratory fans cannot climb them. We have thrown snowballs. We have booed Santa Claus; in general we are really good at booing. The bad reputation kind of makes sense.

But I rise in defense of the Philadelphia sports fan. Not the ones fighting or causing actual physical damage, but the one in the stadium who pays attention to the game and both boos and cheers as appropriate. It is my belief that we are the best in the game when it comes to giving feedback to the players on the field. When something good happens at the hands of one of our players we absolutely lose our minds cheering. The stadium shakes from the volume and stomping and exuberance. Sometimes the cheering doesn’t stop until whomever did the good thing pops out of the dugout for a little curtain call. We reward our players handsomely.

Likewise, if something bad happens on the field we are not shy about expressing displeasure. We are quick to boo, yes, but it is not gratuitous booing. We boo with purpose. That pitcher who hit one of our guys during his last at bat? He’s getting booed; he needs to know we’re watching him and he should not do that again. How can he know if we don’t tell him? Also, our own team, much as we love them, sometimes needs a shove in the right direction. If they screw something up, or do something unsportsmanlike, they will hear about it via a chorus of booing. I don’t think it is too common for fans to boo their own team, but sometimes they deserve it. It is how they learn. We’re not being too hard to please or unsupportive of our team; we’re helping. We boo with love. (Sometimes.)

In the last year or so I have seen many vehicles with magnets or stickers on them which read, “Student Driver, Please Be Patient”. When I was a student driver, aside from the labels on the car when I took the state mandated six hours of driving lessons, there were no such stickers to put on your car. Even if there were I would not have had such stickers because I do not believe in their message and I will tell you why.

When you begin driving you are learning how to behave in a new role in a different environment. While you likely have been a passenger for years, driving is a whole new responsibility and there are tips and tricks that you learn by doing. For example, I learned to drive on the curvy roads of Hunterdon County. At first I drove the curves alternating jerkily between gas and brake, unable to figure out the best way to drive safely through the curve. One day, presumably tired of being jerked about, one of my parents told me to brake going into the curve and then accelerate through it. I tried it and it worked great and is now how I handle curves while driving. I didn’t learn that because someone was patient and too nice to me, I learned it because they were tired of risking whiplash.

Other things I learned by being honked at, having lights flashed in my direction, or by people aggressively driving around me. When I first started to drive I hated being honked at because it felt embarrassing, like everyone around us knew that I had messed something up. But I soon came to realize that there is the protection of my car between me and that person who is annoyed at me, so I can drive away and not have to actually face them. Plus, if I had been doing something wrong, I also drove away having learned a lesson e.g. don’t sit forever at a four way stop letting everyone else go. Drive defensively and take your turn when it comes.

I do hate it when people speed up behind me and flash their lights for me to get out of the way. Mostly I always wonder what is so hellfire important that they simply must get by me. But at the same time, light flashing is a way of communicating, “hey, I think myself very busy and important and need to get by you, you slowpoke, get out of my way so I can safely drive by at 95 miles an hour”. True, they might be a total jerk, but better to move over and let them by than to sit in the passing lane slowing down traffic with a known maniac behind you. Just let them by. This is something else I learned because of an utter lack of patience.

I like to think that I’m a good driver. I have a clean driving record and the only accident I’ve been in was without question not my fault. But I’m not perfect. While I’m better than I was twenty two years ago (!!!) when I was first learning, I mess up now and then. We all do. If you think you’re a perfect driver 100% of the time you, my friend, are a dirty liar and you’re lying to yourself. From time to time I’m sure your mind will wander while driving and soon you find people are aggressively passing you on both sides. That’s because you’re going too slow in the middle lane. Wake up, fool! Move over! (To be clear, slower drivers go in the RIGHT lane, not the LEFT lane. Just a little tip from me to you.) Or maybe once in a blue moon you try to change lanes and neglect to check your mirrors, only to hear the sharp blast of a horn from the car that is chilling in your blind spot. Whoops, sorry buddy, but thank you for the reminder that attention must be paid.

There are people who drive too aggressively, too fast, and demonstrate no care for any fellow drivers let alone student drivers. But I don’t think these people taking the time to read your bumper stickers. They think they own the road or have the right to drive however they please regardless of the laws, both of traffic and of physics. They suck, but they are part of the reality of driving. You have to learn how to deal with them, mostly by staying out of their way.

All of which is to say this: don’t ask me to be patient. If someone, ANYone, is driving in a way that is unsafe or not following the rules of the road and they are likely to cause damage to me through their behavior, they are getting honked at. Honking the horn is not just a sign of impatience. It is a tool for drivers to communicate with each other, an important warning system, and really the best way to learn that you’re doing something wrong without actually causing an accident. I don’t honk often, only when it is truly deserved; I honk because I care. I care, or: you’re being an idiot, you almost killed me, it’s not your turn, et cetera. I will pass someone, again ANYone, if they are driving dangerously slow in the midst of fast moving traffic. Get off the road if you can’t handle it, friend, but you’re not getting me into an accident with your dumbass-ery. It is straight up stupid to ask for (and to expect) patience on the road. The lack of patience is part of how you learn.

There is an episode of M*A*S*H where one of the characters, Father Mulcahy, is getting on Hawkeye’s nerves. Father Mulcahy says, “Patience is a virtue!” and Hawkeye replies, “And you’re taxing my virtue”. Every time I see one of those “please be patient” stickers my patience is taxed a little bit further. A professional baseball player would never go to a game and without expecting at least a little booing, just as a new driver should expect some interactions with the other drivers on the road. Not all of those interactions will be pleasant and happy. People will get pissed at you because you’re driving poorly. You’re supposed to, you’re still learning. And the rest of us are supposed to honk at you and flash our lights and pass you when you’re being dumb. That’s how it works. That is how you learn. You’re welcome for our lack of patience.