Sorted

Whenever I find myself excessively sad, stressed, or in general struggling to suffer the follies of life, I tend to retreat into the things that give me comfort and make me feel secure. Sometimes that is listening non-stop to a murder podcast, which lends me some perspective and reminds me that things could always be worse. But most often when I really need to escape from something, I go to Hogwarts.

I read the first Harry Potter book in middle school when my grandparents gave me the first three as a Christmas present. I had not asked for them, didn’t know anything about them, but once I started reading I was hooked. Harry Potter wasn’t just a story. It was a whole world into which I could disappear when things weren’t too great which, when you’re in middle school, is quite often.

Harry Potter also helped me to start delving into my own character. If you spend enough time in those books, as I always have, they will force you to think about the type of person you are. This is because of the Sorting Hat, the four houses the characters are sorted into, and the actions those characters take throughout the story.

If you don’t know, here is a brief explanation of the four houses and the characteristics of their students:

Gryffindor: bravery, courage, nerve, chivalry. This is the house where Harry and his friends are sorted.

Ravenclaw: intelligence, cleverness, wit, learning. This is the smarty pants house.

Slytherin: ambition, cunning, leadership, resourcefulness. All of the bad wizards seem to come out of Slytherin house, but not all Slytherins are truly bad (although in the books they are pretty much all bullies).

Hufflepuff: loyalty, patience, hard work, justice. This is sometimes judged to be the slush house: anyone who doesn’t fit in any other house ends up in Hufflepuff.

As a kid reading the books I, of course, wanted to be a Gryffindor. I think most people want the same. When I would take the little online quizzes to determine which house I would be in, I selected the answers that would sort me into Gryffindor. I wanted to believe myself brave enough to be the hero of a story like Harry, Ron, and Hermione. In general, Gryffindor was the best, Ravenclaw was acceptable, Hufflepuff was kind of a joke, and Slytherin was obviously the worst house to be in.

It wasn’t until years after the final book came out that I confronted myself and said, “Self, you are not a Gryffindor.” I was on who knows what number re-read of the books (I re-read them a lot) and found myself thinking about myself and how I handle things in life and was forced to admit to myself that I wasn’t the Gryffindor that I always wanted to be.

I took to the internet, specifically the Pottermore website, and took the sorting quiz over again, forcing myself to answer honestly. When I had answered the final question, I waited impatiently for the Sorting Hat to give me my answer, to tell me where I really fit and what type of person I was.

The answer was Hufflepuff.

At first I was bummed. How boring! Aside from Cedric Diggory, there are no really interesting Hufflepuffs. There are a few other characters who came out of that house: Hagrid, Newt Scamander, Tonks. All good characters, but none that seemed like the hero one would want to be. None interesting enough to be the main character of their own stories. I felt doomed to forever be a side character.

That, of course, is truly ridiculous. Whether I want to be or not, I am obviously the main character of my own life, so that little insecurity was immediately dismissed. But I still felt forced into this box of Hufflepuff, the house that no one really thinks about, the one that takes everyone who doesn’t fit anywhere else (literally it says that in the books). I wanted to be more than “we didn’t know where else to put her”.

But then I started thinking about it more deeply. Take Hermione, for example. Hermione is the smartest, most clever witch in the school. She could easily have been placed in Ravenclaw, but the Sorting Hat put her in Gryffindor. So even though she has strong characteristics of a Ravenclaw, her Gryffindor characteristics must have been stronger. So yes, she’s clever, intelligent, and highly values learning, but she is also very brave and has a lot of nerve. Thinking about Hermione made me see that you can be in one house, but still share a lot in common with another house.

Because here is the thing: we are not all one thing. Sure we all have some characteristics that are stronger than others, but being intelligent doesn’t mean that you can’t also be brave. So instead of limiting myself to the one house, I looked at all of the houses to see what other characteristics I saw in myself.

While I am scared of many things, I am also brave like a Gryffindor. I could let the things that scare me stop me from participating in life, but I get out there and I keep playing. I do also believe in chivalry, not in the traditional sense, but in the sense that there are certain ways to behave that are kind, generous, and the right thing to do no matter the situation. So I am a little bit Gryffindor.

I could be a Ravenclaw too. I’m fairly book smart and do posses that rare animal of common sense. While I am emotional, I am also very logical. I like to understand and get frustrated when I don’t understand something. I am pretty good at solving riddles, which is how the Ravenclaws gain access to their dormitory. And I do like learning new things, although at this point in my life if I never go to school again I would be okay with it.

Slytherin house I don’t relate to much. I’m not ambitious really at all, unless you count my goals related to reading for pleasure and crochet. I can be a bit sneaky, but only for good causes (such as birthday presents or surprises for others). And I am resourceful; I will figure out how to make something work when it really matters and will take the lead if no one else is stepping up. So I have things in common with Slytherins but I don’t feel these are my strongest characteristics by any means.

Finally, we have Hufflepuff. Loyalty, patience, hard work, and justice. I do work hard, even if sometimes it doesn’t look like it because I am also a procrastinator. I am patient most of the time. Actually when I feel impatient I’m very unhappy with myself for feeling that way, always reflecting on how it isn’t fair to want to rush or force my pace onto anyone else. I believe firmly in justice and am outraged when things are not fair both for myself and for others. But loyalty: that is the clincher. Loyalty is the trait that, after much analysis, made me finally realize and embrace the fact that I am a Hufflepuff.

Not to toot my own horn, but I am loyal almost to a fault. Scratch that, definitely to a fault. Once I decide I care for someone or something, I am all in. I devote myself to that person or thing and will not falter. This, you may say, is a great thing and I would agree with you. But while it is great, it comes with difficulties. My loyalty has, in the past, operated ahead of my better judgement, keeping me in situations that were not in my best interest for much longer than was good for me. I give people the benefit of the doubt and will be let down by them far more times than ought to be necessary before I change my loyalties. I will sacrifice my own happiness for someone else’s every single time, if I care about them. I love deeply, way further than from the bottom of my heart, but from all the way down to the floor and beyond. So more often than not I get hurt and the hurt runs just as deep. I love that I am so loyal, but it does come at a price.

Over the years of retreating back into Harry Potter when things are rough, I have come to understand myself to be a Hufflepuff, tried and true. I have also found that this is a thing of which I am deeply proud. For all of the pain that comes with unwavering loyalty, I wouldn’t trade it for any amount of chivalry, intelligence, or ambition. I am what I am: so sayeth Popeye and also that character from La Cage Aux Folles who’s name I cannot remember.

I sit here now wearing my Hufflepuff socks, with a Hufflepuff background on my phone, next to a pillow of the Hogwarts crest backed in Hufflepuff colors. There is a Harry Potter puzzle to my left, a copy of the Sorcerer’s Stone just beside me, and last night I left off between the third and fourth movies. I’m ready to dive back into the world of Hogwarts because I’m finding it easier to be there rather than anywhere else at the moment. But as much as I want to escape into this world that is admittedly a fabrication, it does keep me connected to my real self. You cannot watch, read, or obsess over Harry Potter the way I have for the last twenty five years and not think about the content of your own character. It brings you to terms with who you are and let’s you know that whatever you are, you will be fine.

So yeah, I’m hiding at Hogwarts for the moment. But I’m a Hufflepuff, and I’m okay.