Love Will Keep Us Together
In first grade my mom was the music teacher at the primary school I attended. It was pretty cool to have my mom in the building, although I wasn’t spoiled by the situation. I still took the bus to and from school, only occasionally hitching a ride with Mom when we had somewhere to be after the school day. All of my classmates knew the music teacher was my mother and I called her “Mom” in class. We didn’t make any effort to hide the connection, but Mom was concerned about the appearance of nepotism. As a result I never got to play any of the really cool instruments in music, which I’m still a little bitter about.
The one really fun thing about having Mom at school happened on March 8, 1993, thirty years ago this past week. At some point during the school day I was in the hallway by myself. I don’t recall if I had been called somewhere or if I was running an errand for a teacher, but I was in the hallway when my mother appeared and bent down to tell me the good news: I had a new baby cousin. It was a boy, his name was Adam. I remember going back to class with a bubble of joy in my chest, excitement surrounding this brand new person in my life.
I was the youngest sibling of two, so Adam was the first baby born in the family after me. I’m told I was at first miffed to have been replaced as the youngest of the clan, but I don’t remember that part. I remember holding Adam for the first time, probably the first time I ever held any baby. And I remember that at his baptism my sister was an absolute Baby Hog. Any chance she had, she was holding him. I do remember being miffed about that.
Beyond those first few adjustments to having a new baby cousin, all I remember is joy. I quickly fell in love with that kid and any family party became an opportunity to hang out with my tiny best bud. I came to the conclusion that having a cousin was awesome. That conclusion was confirmed in 1996 when Sarah was born and yet again in 2002 when Abigail came along. Three cousins, three friends from birth.
Some people have scads of first cousins but Meredith and I have only these three biological first cousins. I like our little band of five. We range widely in age, currently from 38 to 20 years old, and we are geographically far flung. And although we were raised spending lots of time together it is rare that all five of us are in the same location anymore. But when we are it feels a little like a magical connection, one fused in our youth that has held firm into adulthood.
The five of us at Sarah’s wedding
There are so many good memories I have with my cousins. When Adam was very young I remember playing with him outside in the summer or playing with toy trains under the Christmas tree. We would read together, play with the dogs, swing on a swing set. By the time Sarah was toddling around I had the older cousin thing down. I knew how to pick them up and turn them upside down to make them giggle. I’d sit on the floor and they’d climb all over me. We’d play board games or watch children’s television that I was much too old for, but still enjoyed.
We even made up all kinds of games. Some were the running/chasing type, but my laziness set in at an early age so I enjoyed games where I was sitting down. We often played Spider or Witch, two different but almost identical games that involved me being the spider or witch and the kids sneaking past me to see if they would get caught. I would sit or lay down and pretend to be asleep and they would come up close and try not to disturb the witch/spider. Inevitably they would “wake up” the creature and get caught in the web/witch arms. Once I caught them they would giggle and squirm, but wouldn’t get away until I let them go. That is until Abigail was born. Where Adam and Sarah would let me keep them captured, Abigail was no fool. I would have her caught around the middle but instead of struggling she would throw her arms over her head, go boneless, and slip right out of my grasp. Clever thing.
I used to worry that as we all grew older we would lose touch or our interests would diverge so greatly that we just wouldn’t have anything to talk about. But while all five of us cousins are very different, we somehow always have something to discuss. And even where our interests do diverge, there is still a connection to be had.
Nothing would terrify me more than to live and work in Alaska: too many bears, earthquakes, and avalanches. I could never do it, but I was so proud to be able to visit Adam there and see him working as a guide for a whale watching/hiking tour company. When we were on the bus driving over to the boat for our tour, Adam was up front narrating the whole thing. He explained things out on the water and led us once again on a hike near Mendenhall Glacier. He showed me how to take cooler pictures on my phone; little did he know I spent most of the trip taking pictures of him, so proud of my baby cousin.
I only dance in public when forced, but I’ve been going to see Sarah’s dance performances since I’m not even sure when…certainly by the time she was in middle school. When she was in college earning a BFA in Dance, I was making annual trips out to her school in Erie, PA to see her perform. Each show was a new opportunity to see how much she had grown in her talent, to marvel at her grace on the stage. And then to laugh really hard when we’d go out for dinner after the show; Sarah is really funny. We share anxieties and a love of Caffe Americanos and Queen. In her senior year she choreographed a piece to a compilation of Queen songs. I saw the piece performed three times and every time was completely floored by her talent and creativity and proud to call her my cousin.
Abigail and I are both September babies and share a love of board games and classic television. We love to go on day trips together, which we call adventures. I took her to the Jersey Shore for the first time and she took me all over Maine in the area where she goes to school. We sat and ate lunch across from the Bush compound in Kennebunkport, it was quite lovely. A budding marine biologist, Abigail loves to walk the beach and examine the wildlife. I’m all for that, but where she willingly picks up crabs and lets them scuttle around in her hands I would be running for high ground and some kind of indoor activity as far away from the crustaceans as possible. Abigail is independent and loving and sweet and, you’ll never guess, but I’m quite proud of her too.
Last week the five of us lost our grandfather; at his passing he joined our grandmother who passed in 2013. In some families the death of the shared ancestor may be the start of the process of growing apart - with that connection gone some people naturally drift away from each other. I am grateful to know that this will not be us. We are bound tightly, not only by DNA, but by the love fostered between us by the family that raised us to be close.
