The Mental Month of May

Welcome back, humans. It’s that time of year again: Mental Health Awareness Month!

I know, it’s your favorite. Mine too.

All of my posts in the month of May will be related to mental health in one way or another. If you’re not a fan, that’s cool. Read it or don’t.

I’ve talked about my story multiple times on this blog. If you’ve somehow missed it, you can find it here. Or just ask me and I will tell you the whole damn thing, but I won’t repeat everything all over again in another post. That horse is pretty well dead.

I am in my fifth year post-mental breakdown (or “menty b”, as the kids say). As time progresses, I am intrigued by how some things have stayed exactly the same since 2020 while others are strikingly different.

Things that are the same: my medicine, my triggers, my therapist, my fears.

Things that are different: my perspective, my self-worth, my daily level of anxiety (which changes regularly), my coping strategies.

The thing that surprises me the most is some of my new coping strategies, specifically ways that I relax. To me relaxation is lounging around either reading, watching a movie or show, or working on a craft project. These activities allow me to lower the volume in my brain, but still stay active enough to keep any intrusive thoughts from winning the day and therefore I find them very relaxing. It is important for me that I find time to relax my mind and body or else I just carry around pent-up stress which often boils over at the most inopportune moments.

In the last six months or so I have found myself relaxing in a new way which I used to find quite strange: listening to ASMR videos.

ASMR stands for Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response, which is the technical term for that tingly feeling you sometimes get along your scalp that sometimes travels down your neck. You might experience it if someone gently runs their fingernails along your back, if you get a scalp massage, or sometimes certain sounds can trigger the response. There are tons of people who make ASMR content on YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok, mostly using whispery voices and using anything and everything that makes an interesting sound that might trigger the ASMR response in a listener. Here is an example.

Most creators (they refer to themselves as ASMRtists) do a lot of tapping with long fingernails on a variety of surfaces. Some people exclusively do sounds of themselves eating: lots of chewing noises…not my jam. There is also a kind of role play where they will pretend to be combing the viewer’s hair, or putting on their makeup. They scratch backs and play with hair, they give light touch massages to both mannequins and real people. This is where ASMR initially freaked me out; it seemed positively voyeuristic to watch someone receive a scalp massage, having their hair played with, or even a full on real massage. But, two things. 1) It’s really not creepy because everything is completely appropriate and covered up so it’s not like you can actually see anything except someone’s upper back, and 2) when the sound is recorded well, it is genuinely relaxing to hear.

There is one creator in particular who makes videos that I find deeply relaxing. It is strange that I do find her stuff relaxing, because I also find it kind of hilarious. She is very into naturopathic and traditional Chinese medicine. While there is nothing wrong with those things, in general my gut reaction to anything along those lines is skepticism. I mean, hey, whatever works for you, but I myself am a western medicine type of person. That doesn’t mean that I would never try acupuncture or acupressure massage, or even some kind of supplement or oil or whatever, but those things are never going to be my first choice for treatment; they would be supplemental to whatever western medicine can offer me.

In one video, this creator is giving an aura cleansing, scalp massage, and acupressure massage to one of her friends. She starts the massage by doing what she calls a cedar cleanse during which she takes a bundle of literal branches of a cedar tree and uses it to tap her friend all over the face, hair, and torso. I want to say she whacks this woman all over with the bundle, but it’s not quite that violent. It’s somewhere between a tap and a whack though, forceful enough that cedar leaves fall all over the place. After the cedar debacle, the creator next pulls out two wild turkey feathers and sweeps them again all over the face, hair, arms, and torso of her willing victim.

I have had many judgmental thoughts watching this video, including, but not limited to:

• how does this woman not bust out laughing when she’s being whacked all over with tree branches?

• did anyone check the branches for insects?

• does the cedar smell like a hamster cage?

• were the wild turkey feathers cleaned in any way? All I would be able to think about while having the feathers swept across my face would be “pathogens, pathogens, pathogens everywhere!”

• this is really weird.

I have also had one non-judgmental recurring thought about this video. That is, “I really want someone to whack me with some tree branches and sweep away my anxieties with a turkey feather”. Because I will be honest: as ridiculous as it looks, it also looks super freaking relaxing. I have replayed that video many times when I have needed to steady myself or relax my body and without fail the cedar and turkey feather aura cleanse part always gives me the tingles along my scalp. It never fails to bring down my heartrate and make me feel a little bit sleepy. It’s pretty great.

If you had told me a year ago that I would regularly be watching ASMR videos to fall asleep or relax I would have laughed right in your face. I am so surprised by my attachment to this content that I admit I still find pretty freaking weird. But ultimately: who cares? It works for me, it’s not hurting anybody, so who the hell cares?

Relaxation looks different for everybody. I know several people who would hate to spend a Saturday morning reading, but I can’t think of anything better. Some folks relax by going out partying and blowing off steam; I can’t think of anything worse. (Not true. I can think of lots of worse things, but do allow me a small amount of hyperbole.) The point is we all need different things to relax. As long as what relaxes you is not serial murder or some other kind of criminal offense, I say go for it. There is nothing wrong with taking time to take care of yourself, even if other people don’t understand your relaxation methods. There are worse things than looking like a weirdo to your friends.

But also, seriously, who cares?