Everything is Fine

It is true. Everything is fine. Not great, but fine.

After months of suspecting that my new landlord did not intend to renew my lease, I receive official notice this past week of just that. As of December 31st I need to be out of my current apartment.

I knew it was coming, I’ve been talking about it as a possibility for months, but now that it’s actually happening I’m feeling a bit…something. I haven’t put my finger on it just yet, but it’s something.

Pending payment of my deposit tomorrow, I have already secured a new apartment. It is closer to work. In fact, my commute will be cut in half. It will be easier to get pretty much everywhere and I’m closer to a lot of stores that I want to be able to get to. Instead of South Orange, I will be in South Amboy, which, I suppose, still counts as North Jersey even though it is just south of the Raritan River.

I have just under two months to do all of the cleaning out, packing, and logistical arrangements necessary to get myself and Moishe moved. I have fantastic support and have many lovely offers of help from basically everyone I’m close to. My mom is planning to fly out here twice in a matter of weeks to help me get settled. I want for nothing, and yet I still feel a bit…something.

The rent is a significant increase, but still manageable on my current salary if I make some adjustments. I have cancelled some subscriptions that I didn’t really need and modified some other things to be less expensive. Plus being closer to work means less gas and tolls overall, so that is good. Really I need to buy fewer craft supplies, rely more on sales, coupons, and rewards programs. I can do that. No big deal.

My new apartment has more storage - huge closets by comparison to what I have now. And I have no intention of moving anything to the new place that I do not use or need, so that will leave space in my closets to actually purchase more than two rolls of paper towels at a time. I won’t need to stack up the toilet paper rolls on the back of the toilet like I’m building a tower. There is an actual linen closet so I won’t have to shove my linens into too small cabinets and shelves in weird places.

I am excited for the move, for a fresh start. It comes at a good time. I need it. But I still feel a little bit like things are burning down around me. I have no reason to feel this way that I can discern, but I do. But really, I’m fine. Everything is fine. Just changing.

Something to keep me and my therapist busy over the next couple months. As if we needed more to occupy us.

But seriously, everything is fine.