Adulthood Is

For Christmas my dad gave me a checklist notepad that says the following:

Adulthood is saying, “After this week, things will slow down a bit.” Over and over again until you die.

I like this because it is funny, and it’s funny because it is true.

At present for work I am counting down the days until May 24th. That will be the first day off after one week of straight Annual Conference work. Annual Conference is the big annual meeting for the organization for which I work. And we get to do two in a row starting on May 19th and going through the 23rd. It’s going to be exhausting.

And it isn’t just the events that are tiring. We actually arrive at the events pre-tired because all of the prep work that leads up to the events is all-consuming. For me, basically all other work stops in the week or so before leaving for the conference and all of my time goes towards getting things ready. I’m feeling an anxiety headache just thinking about it.

So the next five or six weeks are going to be completely insane. And by comparison to others at work, I actually have it pretty easy. There are many other things going on in our global organization that are happening in the next few weeks. In general there is a lot of tension and uncertainty in the air. Gosh it’s just terrific.

Back before the pandemic what I used to do was this: work every day during the busy seasons. Even when I was home on the weekends I would hop on my computer just for a little while to take care of a few little things. I figured if I didn’t do that, then I would just ruin my time off by worrying about the little things that needed to be done. So, logically, it made more sense for me to just take care of those things so that I could move on with my time off and be carefree. But it never worked that way. Inevitably being on my computer would remind me of a few other things that needed to be done when I got back to work on Monday so even when I signed off the computer, I’d be carrying those items around with me in my head. I never completely shut it off.

Post pandemic things are actually busier. I got promoted and have a whole slew of responsibilities which are a challenge to juggle. It is harder to prioritize; everything seems like a priority. Many is the time I have sat in front of the computer paralyzed by an inability to decide what to do first. I easily could work every single day of the week and weekends and evenings too and there would still be things to do. Sometimes I do feel the pressure to put in longer hours but I know that giving into that pressure and pushing myself harder will only result in my death at an earlier age from some stress related condition. And I mean…I don’t get paid enough for that; most people don’t get paid enough for that.

And sure, for some work is more fulfilling than for others. They feel called to the work they are in; it’s more than a paycheck to them. I think that is a double edged sword in that it makes it easier to put in more time because of the fulfillment received in return, but I imagine there is that much more pressure to never fully disconnect and take time for oneself.

Part of adulthood for me was realizing that constant work and constant pressure was no way to live. It was learning to say, “After this week, I’m taking a day off. Nobody text me unless you’re dead.” It was accepting that it is okay to take my weekends and actually use them to relax and recover, and recognizing that not all relaxation looks the same.

My work wife, Krystina, had a weekend a while back that was jam packed. On Saturday alone she volunteered for a campaign event in the morning, went into the city for a matinee of a Broadway show, and then spent the evening at an event where Rachel Maddow spoke. She loved it, she had a great day. She needs activity and interaction and excitement in her days off.

That same schedule would likely have put me in bed for a week. I could have easily done one of those things, maybe two if I had a lot of energy and constant access to coffee and could wear stretchy pants the whole time. But really a day that busy appeals to me in zero ways. For me a perfect weekend day involves coffee and reading until at least noon, maybe working out, but also maybe not working out, and then spending the balance of the day watching a show or movies while working on a craft project. That’s it, that’s all I want to do. That is how I recharge.

This is the first year of this very busy season at work that I am intentionally building in days off leading up to the hectic craziness of the Annual Conferences. This scares me a little bit, because I know I will need every moment of time available to me to get the work done. BUT, if I’m not feeling up to working, everything will take longer. Things won’t be done as well as they could be. And I will be one giant walking Oscar the Grouch without the trash can, which nobody wants, least of all me. Intentional time off to recover is actually the most responsible choice I could make in this case.

Adulthood is hectic and exhausting and there never seems to be enough time to accomplish all of the tasks. Adulthood is also figuring out what you need to do to relax, recharge, and take care of yourself. It is recognizing that maintaining your own wellbeing is as important as showing up for and giving your best at work each day. It is being responsible enough to plan ahead and make time for rest and recovery, whatever it may look like for you. Self care isn’t selfish, it’s another thing on the checklist of adulthood.

None of which is catchy enough to print on a notepad. It’s not funny, but it’s true.